Friday, December 28, 2012

Indian Medical Student Dies After Hours Long Gang Rape

I heard the news that this young woman had died while I was driving home from my parents, my daughter sleeping in the backseat. I couldn't help but cry. It's hard to imagine someone I know and love suffering so terribly. The details of this bright young woman's assault by six men on a bus are horrifying. It's hard to believe that anyone could have so little respect for another human's life, that six men could have such hatred and anger in them. But it happened and now she is gone. Through all the pain, and while doctors in both India and Singapore tried to save her life, she wanted to live, she wanted to survive. We all owe it to this woman to ensure that she does survive. That she is never forgotten. That those horrifying and painful hours of her life bring about massive change. We have to make sure there is change. No daughter, mother, sister, wife should ever go through something like this ever again. We need to rise up, sisters. This can NEVER happen again. http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/1308098--indian-gang-rape-victim-dies-in-hospital

Friday, November 9, 2012

Princess is NOT a career

Sesame Street, in it's ongoing infinite wisdom, has released a new segment featuring U.S. Supreme Court Justice Justice Sonia Sotomayor explaining to Abby what a career is and how being a princess isn't a career. It's awesome. All girls need to see it. Many women need to see it too. Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHICz5MYxNQ

Monday, November 5, 2012

Susan Morton presents Raising a Girl: Having It All posted at Raising a Girl.

Honour Killings and Acid Attacks


"The girl’s parents, Mohammad Zafar and his wife Zaheen, recounted the Oct. 29 incident from jail. The father said the girl had turned to look at a boy who drove by on a motorcycle, and he told her it was wrong.

“She said ‘I didn’t do it on purpose. I won’t look again.’ By then I had already thrown the acid. It was her destiny to die this way,” the girl’s mother told the British broadcaster."

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/1282893--girl-killed-in-acid-attack-for-looking-at-a-boy-say-parents-it-was-her-destiny-to-die-this-way

How could someone care so little for the child that they have raised? Most of us would never even think of perpetrating something so heinous on our worse enemy, let alone our own child. So called "honour killings" have to stop! Girls around the world cannot continue to live in fear. We need to continue to talk about this and get it out into the open, so women around the world will empower themselves and their daughters. These women need to have tough penalties in place so their assailants will know that they will not get away with this.

How to fight for the rights of those in a country with pathetic human rights and even fewer rights for women? I don't know. The best I can think of is educating ourselves, keeping this topic in the media. We need to do something.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Having It All

When I was in kindergarten the teacher posed a question to all the girls in the class: when we grew up did we we wanted to be mommies or did we want to work? I remember even at the time thinking the question was ridiculous, and if my memory serves, I was the only one who said both. My mom was a mom, obviously, and she worked. Case closed. That was 1980 and it seems odd to think that we were asked that question in that era. After all, women had been “having it all” for years at that point. Why did it even come up? Why were the boys not asked whether they wanted to be daddies or work? But I didn't give working and having kids another thought for 30 years.

I never felt restrained by my gender while I was growing up. My grades were good and that meant that I could be anything that I wanted to be, and my parents, bless them, told me that regularly. Not even when I started working did I feel restricted by being female – though it didn't hurt that I chose a profession few men chose (though that seems to be changing). Occasionally, while working in a large corporate environment, I would lament the lack of women in the upper echelons; but with no lofty aspirations to climb that ladder myself, it wasn't a major issue for me. When I left my first husband, I thought momentarily that I was throwing away my chance at having a baby, made all the more prominent by the timely birth of my nephew. But I quickly made the decision that if I didn't meet anyone by a certain age, I’d get pregnant and raise a child on my own — and with little more thought, I had a back-up plan. I never called this “having it all,” it was just what I was going to do. It was what I had always intended on doing. I wanted to be a mother, and you work, everyone works, hopefully, as I do, at something you’re good at and you enjoy. Period.

However, I did meet someone, we fell in love and we both wanted the same thing. No need for that back-up plan after all. And right after our wedding, we started trying to start a family. Even during pregnancy, I didn't think too much about “having it all.” It wasn't until I actually became a mother that I thought any more about it. I suppose by my non-definition, I have it all now. I'm a working mother with partner I love. I have a house. I have a car. I have supportive extended family. But, “having it all” means that I'm exhausted all the time. I barely get through the day. I'm broke and in debt. My house is a constant disaster, and I live in fear that someone will decide to “pop in” (though, of course, I will hide when they knock). I'm bored with my now repetitive job and wish I could be with my daughter more. I fight with my husband over petty things because I'm tired and feel overworked. I rarely see or speak with my friends. I have no sex life. I let my daughter watch too much TV because sometimes I just need to get the dishes done, because there aren't any clean ones. I sometimes let bad behaviours fester because I'm too tired to argue or stay up all night enforcing good ones. I’ve stopped putting on make-up and blow drying my hair in the morning because I just don’t have time. I'm overweight because I haven’t got the energy or time to exercise, or the desire to care. I have no memory of the last time I had a shower or a pee by myself. I have no memory at all.


I'm in complete awe of single moms and families with more than one child. I wouldn't change the mom part of my equation for anything. But — and the feminist in me hates me for thinking and writing this —if I could, I’d give up work in a second, and only work part time once my daughter is in school. Not because I think my daughter will grow up horribly for not having a mom around all the time. But because of the time I'm missing with her; the time I'm working to pay someone else to have with her. Because, frankly, she is the loveliest, most wonderful person I’ve ever met. And it would be nice to have a clean house occasionally and eat dinner as a family.

I’ve now changed my definition of “having it all,” or maybe now I just have one where I didn't before —it’s the ability to choose what you do, regardless of what your individual choice might be. For me, that’s “having it all.” And sadly, that revolves around money in my case, simply because I don’t have enough. But I’ve got a plan and I'm working on it. And maybe someday soon, I’ll be able to choose.



Friday, June 29, 2012

Saying Goodbye

Today is the last day my daughter will be going to her current daycare in the north end of the city. Next week, she will start coming downtown in the mornings with me and her Daddy to a new daycare, with new teachers and new kids. I'm both excited and nervous about how the coming weeks will go for her. With her new proximity to my work, I'll be able to get to know her friends and teachers more than I was able to before. But today I am mainly sad. She is too young realize that she is saying goodbye to her classmates and teachers, people that she has come to love and talks about regularly at home. Some of the kids she has known and seen regularly for more than a year. Hopefully, there will be playdates and outings to see these old friends that she likes so much. I don't know if next week she will cry at her new school, not understanding why she is not seeing her friends and teachers that she knows. Time will tell. And time, and love and hugs, will heal and make her forget. But I won't. And yet I know that this will replay itself many, many more times over her life, probably more difficult each time. Today, my husband will take photos and give out cards and chocolate, and they will return home, my daughter unaware that the day-to-day of her life has changed. But we'll know.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Don't say you're sorry

For the last month or so my daughter has been saying "Sorry Mommy" and "Sorry Daddy" all the time, possibly up to a hundred times a day. First let me say, neither my husband or I have ever asked her to say she's sorry for anything or indicated that those are even words that she should know. It's making me a bit anxious for a couple of reasons. I don't want her to be unhappy, or think that we are angry or upset with her. I definitely don't want her to think that she's done something wrong when she obviously hasn't, and frankly she hasn't done anything in her nearly two years that warrants an apology.

But the reason that this recent trend is troubling me is that I don't want my daughter to be submissive. I don't want her to think she done something wrong by just being herself, in general. I want her to stand up for herself, be strong, speak up and never ever think that she is wrong for speaking her mind. Even if that means disagreeing with me (not for a while yet, please).

I suspect that she's heard me say, "Sorry," a few too many times. Perhaps this is something that I need to work on in myself; stop apologizing for the slightest thing. Or simply find a new word to use for those bumps and small trip-ups I'm prone to ask forgiveness for.

The reality of the situation is that this is probably just a phase and she more than likely doesn't even understand what the word means fully. But it'll be something I'll be watching for. In the meantime, I'll just keep saying, "No sorries. Just say, I love you."

Yet another reason to be happy I don't live in the States...

I have no words...
http://jezebel.com/5893011/law-will-allow-employers-to-fire-women-for-using-whore-pills
But I love this woman...
http://video.msnbc.msn.com/jansing-and-co/46706450#46706450

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Talking to young girls about beauty

Here is a very balanced approach to raising a balanced girl from a dad who knows what he's talking about:

http://jezebel.com/5871822/the-right-way-to-talk-to-young-girls-about-beauty?tag=genderal-interest

Maternity Leave Law Versus Reality

It's been a few months since my last blog post. I was left go of my position with a large publisher (and several other problems occurred -- health problems with my daughter, issues with my home, etc. -- prohibiting me from writing), which is the basis for my post today. I initially thought myself lucky to be going back to work after a year's mat leave. In the United States, one-year maternity leaves just don't exist. And, of course, for many those who are freelancers or self-employed, there is no mat leave at all. But the real reason I felt lucky is that my job still existed. For many moms that I know, there is that unenviable call from their employer that comes somewhere between the sixth month and the 11th month of their mat leave.The call that tells them they do not have job to return to. There are many ways that employers do this -- positions are eliminated (easy to do when the employee wasn't replaced -- if the other employees are taking up the slack, they can continue to do so) or job descriptions are changed (I know of one woman who job suddenly become bilingual, something her replacement was and she wasn't).

In Canada, companies legally have to allow women to take a one-year maternity leave. Women are to return to their job, or another job with the company that offers a similar pay. Unless their position no longer exists. This is the law. But it is not the experience for many women, myself included. For the women who return to their original position, that sense of job security they feel upon returning is false. When a company downsizes, often women who have taken recent maternity leaves are first to go. A company may realize that the year with the maternity leave replacement was less expensive than a year with the experienced employee -- so that woman is let go, a new, more junior title is given to the replacement and, along with the new title, a much smaller salary. Or a woman may just come back to a new environment -- a new boss, new coworkers, etc. -- and find that she is now the odd woman out and it's only a matter of time before she is "restructured" out.

Most women, myself included, would tell you that the trade off was worth it. Raising a child is the most important job that they've ever had or will ever have. But isn't the point of the law that we no longer have to choose? That we can have children at any point in our career because our career will be waiting for us? Is there a solution? An amendment that can be made to the law? I doubt it. Companies are not people; they are not "loyal" to their employees and would find a way to circumvent a tougher law. Loyalty is a work concept of my parents generation, and not one that I understand. I KNOW that my employer, any employer, will pay me as little as they can and will let me go if there is a cheaper alternative, or let me go if I simply don't kiss the right ass.

I've heard that in Finland women can take up to a three-year maternity leave, though they are not compensated for the entire time. Perhaps that works for them -- or maybe the women in Finland simply start looking for a new position after two and half years.