Princess is NOT a career

Sesame Street, in it's ongoing infinite wisdom, has released a new segment featuring U.S. Supreme Court Justice Justice Sonia Sotomayor explaining to Abby what a career is and how being a princess isn't a career. It's awesome. All girls need to see it. Many women need to see it too. Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHICz5MYxNQ

Susan Morton presents Raising a Girl: Having It All posted at Raising a Girl.

Honour Killings and Acid Attacks

"The girl’s parents, Mohammad Zafar and his wife Zaheen, recounted the Oct. 29 incident from jail. The father said the girl had turned to look at a boy who drove by on a motorcycle, and he told her it was wrong.

“She said ‘I didn’t do it on purpose. I won’t look again.’ By then I had already thrown the acid. It was her destiny to die this way,” the girl’s mother told the British broadcaster."

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/1282893--girl-killed-in-acid-attack-for-looking-at-a-boy-say-parents-it-was-her-destiny-to-die-this-way

How could someone care so little for the child that they have raised? Most of us would never even think of perpetrating something so heinous on our worse enemy, let alone our own child. So called "honour killings" have to stop! Girls around the world cannot continue to live in fear. We need to continue to talk about this and get it out into the open, so women around the world will empower themselves and their daughters. These women need to have tough penalties in place so their assailants will know that they will not get away with this.

How to fight for the rights of those in a country with pathetic human rights and even fewer rights for women? I don't know. The best I can think of is educating ourselves, keeping this topic in the media. We need to do something.

Having It All

When I was in kindergarten the teacher posed a question to all the girls in the class: when we grew up did we we wanted to be mommies or did we want to work? I remember even at the time thinking the question was ridiculous, and if my memory serves, I was the only one who said both. My mom was a mom, obviously, and she worked. Case closed. That was 1980 and it seems odd to think that we were asked that question in that era. After all, women had been “having it all” for years at that point. Why did it even come up? Why were the boys not asked whether they wanted to be daddies or work? But I didn't give working and having kids another thought for 30 years.

I never felt restrained by my gender while I was growing up. My grades were good and that meant that I could be anything that I wanted to be, and my parents, bless them, told me that regularly. Not even when I started working did I feel restricted by being female – though it didn't hurt that I chose a profession few men chose (though that seems to be changing). Occasionally, while working in a large corporate environment, I would lament the lack of women in the upper echelons; but with no lofty aspirations to climb that ladder myself, it wasn't a major issue for me. When I left my first husband, I thought momentarily that I was throwing away my chance at having a baby, made all the more prominent by the timely birth of my nephew. But I quickly made the decision that if I didn't meet anyone by a certain age, I’d get pregnant and raise a child on my own — and with little more thought, I had a back-up plan. I never called this “having it all,” it was just what I was going to do. It was what I had always intended on doing. I wanted to be a mother, and you work, everyone works, hopefully, as I do, at something you’re good at and you enjoy. Period.

However, I did meet someone, we fell in love and we both wanted the same thing. No need for that back-up plan after all. And right after our wedding, we started trying to start a family. Even during pregnancy, I didn't think too much about “having it all.” It wasn't until I actually became a mother that I thought any more about it. I suppose by my non-definition, I have it all now. I'm a working mother with partner I love. I have a house. I have a car. I have supportive extended family. But, “having it all” means that I'm exhausted all the time. I barely get through the day. I'm broke and in debt. My house is a constant disaster, and I live in fear that someone will decide to “pop in” (though, of course, I will hide when they knock). I'm bored with my now repetitive job and wish I could be with my daughter more. I fight with my husband over petty things because I'm tired and feel overworked. I rarely see or speak with my friends. I have no sex life. I let my daughter watch too much TV because sometimes I just need to get the dishes done, because there aren't any clean ones. I sometimes let bad behaviours fester because I'm too tired to argue or stay up all night enforcing good ones. I’ve stopped putting on make-up and blow drying my hair in the morning because I just don’t have time. I'm overweight because I haven’t got the energy or time to exercise, or the desire to care. I have no memory of the last time I had a shower or a pee by myself. I have no memory at all.

I'm in complete awe of single moms and families with more than one child. I wouldn't change the mom part of my equation for anything. But — and the feminist in me hates me for thinking and writing this —if I could, I’d give up work in a second, and only work part time once my daughter is in school. Not because I think my daughter will grow up horribly for not having a mom around all the time. But because of the time I'm missing with her; the time I'm working to pay someone else to have with her. Because, frankly, she is the loveliest, most wonderful person I’ve ever met. And it would be nice to have a clean house occasionally and eat dinner as a family.

I’ve now changed my definition of “having it all,” or maybe now I just have one where I didn't before —it’s the ability to choose what you do, regardless of what your individual choice might be. For me, that’s “having it all.” And sadly, that revolves around money in my case, simply because I don’t have enough. But I’ve got a plan and I'm working on it. And maybe someday soon, I’ll be able to choose.

Part of the Feminist Odyssey Blog Carnival

Pink Pens for Ladies

A great new opinion piece from Jezebel:

http://jezebel.com/5938681/bics-ridiculous-lady+pens-cost-70-more-than-identical-regular-pensutm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

Saying Goodbye

Today is the last day my daughter will be going to her current daycare in the north end of the city. Next week, she will start coming downtown in the mornings with me and her Daddy to a new daycare, with new teachers and new kids. I'm both excited and nervous about how the coming weeks will go for her. With her new proximity to my work, I'll be able to get to know her friends and teachers more than I was able to before. But today I am mainly sad. She is too young realize that she is saying goodbye to her classmates and teachers, people that she has come to love and talks about regularly at home. Some of the kids she has known and seen regularly for more than a year. Hopefully, there will be playdates and outings to see these old friends that she likes so much. I don't know if next week she will cry at her new school, not understanding why she is not seeing her friends and teachers that she knows. Time will tell. And time, and love and hugs, will heal and make her forget. But I won't. And yet I know that this will replay itself many, many more times over her life, probably more difficult each time. Today, my husband will take photos and give out cards and chocolate, and they will return home, my daughter unaware that the day-to-day of her life has changed. But we'll know.

Ruling says we still don't deserve equal pay...