Book Review-ish: Cinderella Ate My Daughter

I've not done any book reviews on this blog before and since I just finished one, I thought I'd give it a shot. But I don't have lot to say about it, really. The book isn't new; and since I might go back and review books I've already read and as my pile of books grows faster than I can read, up coming reviews, should there be any, probably won't be of new books either. I didn't really read the book with a critical eye or with the intent of doing a book review. So, rather than a proper review, I'm just going to chat a bit about it.

Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein has been sitting on my pile of books for a while -- it got pushed back a bit more than expected even, because I really wanted to reread the Hobbit for the fifth time before the movie came out. I bought the book with the expectation that I would generally agree with everything Orenstein wrote about. After all, the reason she researched and wrote the book are pretty much the same reason I started this blog. And really, for the most part, I did. There is very little that's mind blowing in the book. It makes sense. Marketing to girls starts at a younger and younger age, the sexualization of girls starts at a younger and younger age, parents embrace the pink toys and princesses because they believe it will stave off the sexualization of their daughters. But instead in makes them prime marketing material for that very thing. Girls are looking and acting older at a younger age, but their minds and emotions are not, and cannot, make that same leap. There is a disconnect and it is troubling. The book is honest in how Orenstein struggled with the issues with her own daughter (not buying a Barbie, feeling guilty and buying the Barbie, feeling confused about buying the damn Barbie) and the role her friends played in teaching her the very things that Orenstein was trying to avoid (in one sequence her daughter's friend tells her daughter that her bike helmet isn't a girl's helmet because it isn't pink). Navigating through the marketing machine isn't easy and Orenstein shows that being an expert on women's issues doesn't necessarily make it any easier.

I'd recommend this book to anyone with a young daughter, and by young I mean tween or younger, as this book also looks at the what's influencing our daughters when they move on from the princess phase. This book just reiterates that we have to involved in our daughters' lives, look at what they are into and just discuss things with them. You can't control what they will like, nor should you be able to, but you can help them think about things critically. That critical thinking is something that they can carry with them when you're not there. They may not always use the tools we give them, but sometimes, when it's most crucial, they might.  The book helped me put on my own critical thinking cap and distilled the issues for me. Definitely worth a read (for both moms and dads, by the way).

I'd love feedback from anyone else who has read the book.

Here is the copy from the back of the jacket, for those who would like to know more about it:

Sweet and sassy or predatory and hardened, sexualized girlhood influences our daughters from infancy onward, telling them that how a girl looks matters more than who she is. Somewhere between the exhilarating rise of Girl Power in the 1990s and today, the pursuit of physical perfection has been recast as the source of female empowerment. And commercialization has spread the message faster and farther, reaching girls at ever-younger ages. But how dangerous is pink and pretty, anyway? Being a princess is just make-believe; eventually they grow out of it . . . or do they?

In search of answers, Peggy Orenstein visited Disneyland, trolled American Girl Place, and met parents of beauty-pageant preschoolers tricked out like Vegas showgirls. The stakes turn out to be higher than she ever imagined. From premature sexualization to the risk of depression to rising rates of narcissism, the potential negative impact of this new girlie-girl culture is undeniable—yet armed with awareness and recognition, parents can effectively counterbalance its influence in their daughters' lives.

Superheroes

A few nights ago, my daughter came home and said she wanted to play superheroes, but she couldn't be a superhero because she was a girl. My heart sank. Not yet three years old and she already thinks there is something she can't do or be because of her gender. I stopped what I was doing, knelt on the floor and asked her, "Who said you can't be a superhero?" It turns out one of the boys in her preschool had said it. I looked her in the eyes, made sure she was listening to me, and told her that girls can be anything they want to be. I must have said it five times in a row, at least. Then I told her that there were lots of girl superheroes, and we could play superheroes any time she wanted to.

We ate our dinner and talked a bit more about what superheroes did and how they were strong and had special powers or skills like flying. Halfway through dinner, my husband came home and I told him to tell her about how there were lots of girl superheroes, quickly explaining what happened. He said all the same things I did and when to grab our tablet, so he could look up female superheroes on YouTube for her to see. But they all had enormous breasts, tiny waists, and were sexed up to look like porn stars in a Superman rip off.

I quickly thought of the Power Puff Girls (which are not without their problems, message-wise) and put on an  episode for her to watch. I know comic books are mostly drawn by men for men, and frankly she is too young for comics anyway, but something needs to change in the superhero comic book and video game world and it needs to change fast.

Some people are taking it upon themselves to start that change. Two dads in the past year have been in the news for changing the coding in video games for daughters, one with Donkey Kong and one with Zelda. DC, Marvel, Nintendo, Sony -- are you listening? People are going to the trouble to create non-damsels in distress characters themselves. People are creating female characters to get the job done. The public are requesting this. Make it so.

FYI -- If anyone knows of some good female superheroes, let me know. I need all the resources I can find.

The Diet of a 7 Year Old

This makes me sad and angry. It's the reason I write this blog. It's reason I've been more dedicated to this since my daughter was born. It's why, among other reasons, we have to keep fighting society and the media, and keep in touch with our children.

An Australian mommy blogger, who sounds like she is doing all the right things, found this note on her 7-year-old daughter's bedroom floor:

How terrible. How sad. A seven-year-old girl should not know the word diet. Apparently she learned about it from another 7 year old  is on a diet. This is what we are up against. We can model the right behaviour. We can talk about how beautiful every woman, every shape, every size is. But 7 year olds may still be told they are fat, that they need to diet, that they aren't the incredible human beings we know they are.

See this mom's post here.
http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/i-found-this-today-on-my-daughters-floor-my-daughter-is-seven/

One Billion Rising

Happy Valentine's Day. And of course today was also One Billion Rising. I hope it was at least. Hard to tell by the small crowd in Toronto at Nathan Phillips Square today. The vibe was very positive and it was a great crowd, but it was hardly the crowd I had envisioned when I first heard about the project. I think the problem is that in Canada at least there was no real mainstream media coverage of the upcoming day. Why not? Bad PR? Media just not interested? A lack of sponsors for buying media time/space? My hope is that year after year more people will hear about the movement and join in. And we need a corporate sponsor or ten, but I think more people, schools and businesses would be happy to get involved and spread this message of non-violence. If only they knew the movement was out there. It has to become more mainstream. In the months and days leading up to V-Day, I watched and listened but only heard about events through feminist channels. It's not enough.

But I don't want to be a downer. The event was great. The vibe was positive and inclusive. I just wish there were more people there. Perhaps the media will do a good job showcasing the events in the news and that will translate into more involvement next year. But we were there, and we'll be there next year.

 

What Can Good Men Do?

What can men do to stop the harassment of women and girls? To stop the victim blaming? To ensure a safe future for our daughters?

Most men we know are not abusers. They are not rapists. They are not threatening feminists online or harassing women on the street. But maybe they crack a joke every now and then. Maybe they listen while their friends or those in close proximity harass women and girls without saying anything. Maybe they don't see it as harassment. Maybe they don't understand how hurtful these things are and the effect it has on grown women, let alone the developing minds of our daughters.

What can the good men do? Speak up. Speak up to other men. Tell everyone who will listen, and those that won't, that this has to end. That this must stop now. Advocate for feminism, understanding that doing so doesn't make your weak, but that it makes you strong. Strong for speaking up for what's right, and standing against the crowd. Understanding that not letting this crap slide will help young girls believe they can do and be anything they want. Without fear.

Reading the following Ms. blog post by Ben Atherton-Zeman is a good start. Maybe this should be required reading for all men...
How Some Men Harass Women Online and What Other Men Can Do to Stop It

Skirting the Issue

"Judgment" by Rosea Lake


The above photograph is by student artist Rosea Lake and is entitled "Judgment." This image, clearly a response to the rape culture and victim-blaming culture we are living in now, is beautiful in it's simplicity. It's message is clear. In case the image is difficult to see, the different skirt heights are labelled from "matronly," to "proper" to "asking for it" to "whore" and everything in between. The photo has gone viral and at the very least will get people thinking, asking questions and sharing. We need dialogue. We need people thinking. We need to start changing the world. Art is good start.

Indian Medical Student Dies After Hours Long Gang Rape

I heard the news that this young woman had died while I was driving home from my parents, my daughter sleeping in the backseat. I couldn't help but cry. It's hard to imagine someone I know and love suffering so terribly. The details of this bright young woman's assault by six men on a bus are horrifying. It's hard to believe that anyone could have so little respect for another human's life, that six men could have such hatred and anger in them. But it happened and now she is gone. Through all the pain, and while doctors in both India and Singapore tried to save her life, she wanted to live, she wanted to survive. We all owe it to this woman to ensure that she does survive. That she is never forgotten. That those horrifying and painful hours of her life bring about massive change. We have to make sure there is change. No daughter, mother, sister, wife should ever go through something like this ever again. We need to rise up, sisters. This can NEVER happen again. http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/1308098--indian-gang-rape-victim-dies-in-hospital